The Pattern...

This is one post I've been wanting to write for a very long time..No, it is not the unexplained phenomena under investigation by the Department of Homeland security namely the 'Fringe Events'..

It's the very cliché of relationships or 'the heart wants what it wants'..I write this not just for me but for every individual out there who has this innate behaviour or the inclination towards a particular complex behaviour.. this is about YOU not the universe attracting the same type of girl or guy; be it complex, manipulative, dominating, ruined by the EX with the soppy stories, messed up, bad childhood, mommy daddy issues, virginal queens and kings, or the just I'm so full of myself character...

Let me categorise a few toxic relationships or partners;
1. The Dominant and Controlling- Self explanatory
2. The Narcissist- Driven by self interest, they are chameleons who are in the pursuit of gratification from vanity or their egotistic admiration of their own attributes. They love to get high praise from others, not that they need the moral assurance but just for the ego massage.
3. The 'No Room for You'- Its all about 'I, Me & Myself'. It's always their accomplishments, their fears and their life, you hold no room in this relationship, its by mere chance that you're in it actually. They rarely care for your emotions and wellbeing.
4. The Oh So Damaged Soul- This community exists on self pity and the pity of others. They tend to be afraid of intimacy post their traumatic experience/s and use that as an excuse to sit on the fence and pass judgement on others.. The ex-factor features here, cos they forever lay in the hope of having the exes wanting them back, little do they realise that this whining and pining is what drove them away in the first place. What I don't understand is that if you can't counsel yourself or be your own devils advocate how do you intend to be the Oh- not-so-damaged-after all.. (Ermmm yea, I don't mince my words)
5. The one without empathy- they also are a sub category of 'Oh so damaged soul' and use their past experiences to show no empathy or concern. They cannot relate to the joys, triumphs and sorrows of others since it seems unrelatable, They are the WIP's (work in progress kinds, leave them the way you find them, they'll find their way out of it by themselves).

Do you find your pattern here..?? It's like chasing your own tail and going around in circles..
“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

We often gravitate to people who let us do what we know how to do, even though we keep telling ourselves that we must try to break the fricking pattern, we just go back to the same ol vicious circle of our making and bring upon us the grief, the misery and the occasional lump in our throats that we've so gotten used to...

For instance my recent pattern is quite common amongst many these days. Not sure if it's a pattern really or just that life decided to hand me lemons - must I make lemonade with it or just squirt someone in the eye ;p... Well anyway,  i get the complicated, ruined for life, screwed up by the exes, baggage and major commitment phobics...so here I am the FIXER as you call it...I like to want the unattainable, many a times I get it, but not wholly, cos in my heart I know that I am fixing them up for the next one...playing second or middle fiddle to the ex and the future to be, cos like the masseuse I have taken all the heat in and it just remains till I let it all out in one way or another..tsk tsk, the pattern I tell you...basically the fixer upper never gets the guy/girl, just fixes em up for the next in line..one needs to learn from their past and and make a conscious effort to break this pattern and not repeat the same mistakes..so give a shot to someone you like, but isn't someone you would normally go for (meh, sounds boring eh...but try it, what the heck, no harm no foul right), he/she just might fit square in your pattern and who knows you might kick the old disappointing habit which is the Pattern. .. (Btw, I have had some wonderful boys who I have turned down or gotten bored of, that's also my pattern dammit, where art thou boys, I am starting afresh :p)

Your pattern or your 'person' gets to put their best foot forward with you on a regular basis, even if you do see the worst, he or she can always make sure that they distract you with their favourable side which is endearing to you..Stop being the pal, or the buddy they can rely on or the shoulder they absolutely can bank on cos you're so understanding and nice and what was that again 'You're Perfect, don't change yourself, you're so much fun and I love being around you cos you get me...' Bullshit alarm 1, being a buddy is fine as long as you don't fool yourself that it is anything more...neither buddy's or nurturers are potential girlfriend or boyfriend materials, just another person along the way who help them out of the mess, the mess that is home to them. This is when you're friend zoned.. it would take someone more evolved and mature to take how awesome you are and actually accept you the way you are and not be judgmental about you..

There are the Robin Williams of the world who make everyone laugh and happy.. but deep within he was truly miserable and lonely who eventually took his own life..well, don't even go there, cos if the cute girl or boy is not around the corner, she or he must definitely be at the local waterhole, the shopping mall, the theater, the laundromat, at the galla around your house having chai or sutta...well he/she ought to be somewhere, right !! As my good friend Isha says 'with that level of genius in anything (the Robin Williams kind) there's' always a fucked up neuroscience behind it all, I mean it's like a requirement..' haha, yeah Isha we are geniuses, lets call us that shall we ;)

Breaking the Pattern..
I read somewhere (fine I did some research ok :p) - 'The key is to be alert. When you’re open to recognizing a pattern, you can change it by learning the lesson, and in doing so, change your life.' To know yourself and your pattern is the first step to gaining the ability to acknowledge and recognize the blimps in your relationships - and make sure you drive yourself to avoid them, no matter how hard it is. Through conscious awareness you can deliberately choose to override the compulsion and the urge to go back and FIX it. You may still be drawn to those familiar personalities, before you do that try and engage yourself in things that interest you like veg out, work out (go for a walk, works for me), join the classes you always wanted to, it will extend your social circle and who knows you might find that stimulating conversation you always had with yourself probably with someone else for a change :p. If you do this, then you make room for the right relationship to enter. Because you have changed, you may begin to attract a different person, a better person... That's why you gotta make sure the child-headed loser doesn't make you settle for anything less than you deserve..Regardless of whether you follow the pattern or not, one thing you must not do, and that is to be with someone who does not share the same core values that you do, they can be different or similar to you, but they must not disrespect you and the person that you are and love you unconditionally, yeah this is rare to find and sometimes takes a lifetime to find actually, but do you really want to settle.. settling is for mere peasants, you are just too AWESOME for that..

I don't mean to denigrate any individual/s or their personal space nor is this blogpost written with the intention of belittling the traumas and sufferings of many (some traumas last a lifetime). All I would like to say is that life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown..or stay stuck in your past wondering what went wrong and what could have been...its the would have, could have, should have that's destroying your happiness in the future..do look ahead and move on..cos darling you're not getting any younger, are ya..Life does not have to be complicated or difficult if you don't want it to be. Don't feel obligated to take the rough and rocky detour when the obvious path ahead is clear and easy. Don't start to question the basis and raison d'être (the reason of existence) of love and its atrocities.... Enjoy the bumpy right ahead and have the courage to love again (not too often though I'm sure everyone loves new flavours every now and then ;s )

I often wonder and wish that I was bimbo-ish and air headed, not to have such realisations, but then again I laugh out loud and revel in the awesomeness within me :p..hehe..

'To thine own self be TRUE...' toodles from a hopeless romantic... mwaaah

P.S. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental, or not ;)

I know there's already too much information here, but here's the Must-Not-do list when you're crushing on someone.. Don't ask me, I've blurted out most of these, damn I can crawl into my grave dug up by own mouth..
Follow link:
http://www.popxo.com/2014/10/things-never-to-say-to-your-crush/

Conversations can be so much more...

Conversations fly by as time flies, have we stopped and wondered how much we take from those discussions..I like the fact that when you meet someone, you tend to gain so much from them..It's the learning you take back with you while adding value to your existing persona...I often get told off by my dad for talking too much and listening less (he does the same btw and insists that I am a poor listener, phew dad's I tell you), I have now made a conscious effort of listening and becoming worldly wise. I am not saying that all conversations can be interesting (oh believe me some have made me wanna pull my hair out), but you can pick up a few things here and there and carry them with you to the next conversation, even the ones that make you wanna bang your head against the wall..

 Conv a + Conv b= Conv abc (pardon my algebraic expression, I suck at science or maths was it? :p)

Coffee has become famous and is synonymous with conversations, probably as a tête-à-tête starter or to yank a painfully boring one.. Also it helps ignore the occasional silences that pop up while you enjoy a cuppa or two. No thanks to technology, conversations seem to be getting shorter and physical reactions are now replaced with bald smileys who are undoubtedly cute but not an expression of how one really feels... The traditional way is so much better and whoever actually knew if the  'lol' or 'lmao' was real or fake..?? As if text-ing wasn't enough, now we have to learn to converse with a machine and leave voice messages...

Machine- Hi, this is xyz, leave me a message and i'll call you back.

Me- "My life's a big mess and I think I'm gonna blah blah blah.. so what do you think..... ermmmmm, call me back...No meet me, or whatever...arghghghgh"

What happened to the good ol, 'it's been long, lets meet, I havta tell you about la la lal la..'... and then you actually meet and have those defaming conversations and pull the entire universe down with you ;) So my humble advise to all my friends and acquaintances, go meet people, indulge in meaningless conversations, have fun and lighten your mood which was fried by your boss of whoever...Just have a Conversation for petesake...and call or meet me cos I'm so bored that I actually wrote a blog on how wonderful conversations are, for lack of having had one lately..

The Beginning of the End...

It is impossible to put into words, the feeling of knowing that you can't stop a relationship coming to an end.. The beginning of the end connotes the end of an era, of having to move on from someone you held onto... The shadow of darkness surrounds you in the hope that it would disappear or it never transpired... We refuse to ignore what or who we care about, emotions well up and sorrow seeps in.. You laugh more, to hide the ruefulness in your eyes.. Frequented with wakefulness, gloomy days, alcohol becomes your new spouse .. But remember, all good things eventually come to an end, love and lust do not last too long.. If you know in your heart that you gave it your all, well that should last you a lifetime of sereneity.. What happened on the other end and questioning and pondering over why & what went wrong is 'none of your business'....

Woody Allen said; 'To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer....'

It is our prerogative to look further ahead and seek the wondrous opportunities life has to offer.. You can never predict the future and never change the past, but you can get yourself together and know that we are capable of making the same mistakes, or having yet another relationship which has no future..Does it matter, really?? We do what we could, moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult... Somethings are just not worth your time and effort, it just wasn't meant to be.. So get up, walk again with your head held high, stride away with confident steps, leaving the anguish and pain that seems to falter your steps.. Just walk ... continue to a new beginning with a smile and enter a new era !!

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.~Dr. Seuss

Wonder where the 'romance' is ??

This goes out to all my lovely Single and Not-So-Single Girlfriends...A little something for you to ponder on !!

It was back in the 40's -60's when you would imagine being charmed, read poetry to, serenaded, wined and dined (lets not go dutch all the time), doors held out for you, walking hand-in-hand (not a great fan of hand holding but...) in celebration of your love and affection for one another....Was it only meant for the Black & White era?? Have we shifted from the theory of having a lover, to having an inmate trapped in a loveless relationship ... 

Have we had enough of romance..?? Do you wonder sometimes, how it would feel to be treated like a lady apart from the occassional women's liberation 'emotional blow-up' rising in our gut...Is it that we have tragically bid farewell to generations of sophisticated and poised forms of dating.. Has dating become as monotonous as being monogamous :p !!

Have men gotten used to the idea of taking it down a notch...Is Romance a surrealistic idea now?? Wasn't romance the key to pursuing happiness in a relationship? Is it too much to ask, to be treated elegantly and with a pinch of 'romance' ??? Oscar Wilde said “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever”...Well I'm not asking forever or all the time, but every now and then won't hurt your fragile ego, WOULD IT?? 

To all the single and the not-so-single boys, live it up and be a gentleman..You will have fewer vexed relationships and partners .. !!

Life could be so blissful, if we wanted it to be !!

We desire objects/individuals that appeal to us knowing how difficult it is to attain them...it is paradoxical that we lead a life of constant sorrow and suffering as against that of divinity and bliss..we aim to achieve the unachievable, but is there something/someone so impossible to have? Is it the thrill of the chase that we want it so bad? But are we really happy when we possess it/them? 

Do we think that our life would be complete with it/them?  Why do we question ourselves constantly, and tell ourselves; that we deserve better and more than life provides us? Isn't it true that we make OUR OWN DESTINY !! Yes, we do..by our actions...'what we are doing today, will set our trajectories for tomorrow'...

Why do we complicate matters by adding objects to our wishlists, mine's never ending with with atleast 2 added every fortnight!! Leonardo DaVinci said that 'Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication', he wasnt born in the 21st century, I bet the poor guy would have a heart attack looking at the glamour and the day today rant we are accustomed to...

But then again, we thrive with complications and in solving them...can we ever go back to being uncomplicated? Our generation has been a complex one and to decipher our unique behaviour's is a task beyond many psychologists and researchers... Is it that we feel a need to prove to ourselves that we can go beyond our reach... Do we enjoy being complex and living life differently? But are we really doing so?  Maybe - maybe not, but the questions in our tiny heads collide against each each bringing about new dilemmas..

Wouldn't life be blissful, if we wanted it to be?? haha...lots of questions...GO FIGURE !!

And the dream continues....

Getting a visa stamped for the first time, neva having crossed the Indian borders (if you considering shaking hands with the border security of Pakistan, cross country adventure ;))

It's an exhilarating feeling for me cos it's truly a dream come true, cos a life without adventure is likely to be unsatisfying, but a life in which adventure is allowed to take whatever form it will, is sure to be short. ..

It does leave me apprehensive of the future to be explored...whoa, now tat's the head rush I love.....Cardiff, sounds like a small french town rather than a welsh township being the capital city of Wales....I've finally crossed over seven seas and reached these foreign lands... It's amazin to keep ur head back n feel the soft breeze on ur face n tat electro magnetic feeling runs a chill down my spine.... mild weather that is often cloudy, wet and windy, 'oh the pitter patter of the rain',shop like neva before n meet more international citizens than welsh or english...i like, i like.....

Can a gurl want more ??? Yes, i always always want more....

Serendipity...

My all time favourite word 'Serendipity'...loved the movie tooo... It means fortunate or desirable discoveries by accident...The movie of course narrates a love story of two people from different walks of life brought together by fate..Aawwwww, how romantic is tat...Well I'm not gonna get all mushy cos i can't relate it to my romantic life since im not romantically inclined towards or with anyone...

What I like most about the word is that it has happened to all of us in some way or the other... meeting your best friend, talking to that boy or gurl you always crushed on in school, meeting that person at gym and having an eye lock, lost in a crowd of people and n seeing tat one smile tat makes ur day(by ur folks, sibling, lover, friend) ,accomplishing tat one thing tat no one ever did, coming across that article in the newspaper that made you join tat course and elevated your career.... I'm sure You got atleast one outta these, didn't you.??. well i got them all...lol....

Believe me it's a blessing in disguise cos fate throws you into moments and situations so unexpectedly and you reminisce them at least once in your lifetime..Now tats what I call a feel good factor... watsay u??